Poo Paper

In more bad news for the local timber industry, a young researcher in one of those northern European countries like Norland or Finway has developed a new technique for making paper that doesn’t use wood products at all. Through truly creative efforts, he has developed paper products out of all things;

bear droppings!

At first this doesn’t seem like much of a threat to the established paper & timber industries since production is limited as he must scour the woods for raw material. He must also grade & separate the droppings due to the fact that the bear’s recent diet determines the color of the produced paper. For example, a diet of nuts & berries produces brown paper, fish & insects produce gray, and campers & hikers; well, you get the idea.

But the real danger here is that some enterprising company will take the idea one step further by finding a more plentiful source of raw material and begin mass production of poo paper. The effects could be devastating to our local economy. Not only would the production of poo paper affect the demand for timber here in the South and the Northwest, but it would also result in job loss as the paper industry would likely move out of our area and into areas where the needed raw material is more plentiful;

like Washington, D.C.

Disposal of waste, animal & human, is a major problem that costs billions of dollars in this country alone, so an alternative use is an especially appealing idea. Environmentalists and economists would all be able to agree on this one. This paper is supposedly quite sanitary after processing - yet poo paper might not be real popular for facial tissue or for wrapping meat. But it could be used for other packaging, newspapers, and copy paper. I’ve known a few people with which I have had dealings for whom it would be appropriate to print their checks on poo paper. I think it would be ideal for almost all government publications like IRS tax forms, bureaucratic manuals and Obama's Health Care Bill. However, its most intriguing use would, of course, be as toilet paper.

By the way, if you printed this out, you might want to wash your hands after reading this.