Be Thankful You Don't Need Glasses Down There

I’m a pretty intelligent guy. At least that’s what some people say. They actually use the word “smart” and almost always in front of another word that refers to a member of the equine family. I usually take such compliments in the best possible light and go about my merry way.

But I do realize that I have a sarcastic side that can sometimes get me in trouble. For example, a few years ago I was working as a consultant in a State far north of here. It had not been a real good week. My paycheck was late, my landlord was demanding the rent on my shabby apartment and it was cold. Six inches of snow had fallen just a few days before and it was still October. This ol' southern boy was not looking forward to spending a full winter in the Snowbelt. All of these things combined to get the juices of sarcasm flowing.

This particular morning, I had a meeting scheduled with a possible client whose office happened to be in the County Courthouse. I arrived a few minutes early and the building wasn’t open yet. Rather than walk back to my car, I decided to take a seat on a bench positioned just outside the main door. After I scraped the remaining snow off the seat, I found that the last of the birds left a few presents before flying south for the winter. As I had on my best khakis, I took a newspaper that I had under my arm, unfolded it on the bench and sat down.

As I sat there shivering, thinking about those warm October afternoons watching SEC football in Scott Field at MSU, an older gentleman who obviously had business in the Courthouse as well, came & sat beside me. We carried on a minor conversation about the weather and as to how a public building should open its doors at a respectable hour. It was at this point, that the man looked down and pointed and said, “Are you reading that paper?”

The sarcasm kicked in and I couldn’t resist. “Why, yes sir, I am.” I said as I stood up, turned the page and sat back down again. Blessedly, the janitor opened the door at that moment and the old man scurried in. I couldn’t see if he was smiling or scowling as the door closed behind him.

Well I gathered up my things and went inside. I found the office I was looking for and the secretary escorted me into a snug little room. Behind the desk was that same gentleman. He greeted me with a smile and made no mention of our encounter outside. We had a pleasant discussion of the particulars of our possible contract and it seemed that my ill-timed but rapier wit had done no damage. He suggested that I read over the specifications required and if I could meet those then we could draw up a contract.

In my best businesslike voice I said, “I’ll be glad to look them over. Do you have a copy for me?” He smiled softly and said, “Well, I assumed that you had already read them. You’ve been sitting on them since you came in!”