Nobody Wants to Wrestle the Naked Guy

While everyone in the room wants to fuss and fight over the healthcare bill, they are trying their best not to wrestle themselves into the corner where a big hairy naked guy called "National Debt" is sitting in a bean bag chair eating Cheetos and drinking Mello Yello. Be it Democrat or Republican, nobody wants to lay hands on the naked guy.

Where's my Cookskin Cap?

I just heard that Fess Parker passed away. If you're under forty , I'm sure your first reaction is "Who's Fess Parker?" Apparently he was most famous as Davy Crockett on the Disney TV series back in the Fifties. That was before my time but I remember him as Daniel Boone on the TV series in the early seventies or late 1960's. Ed Ames (who was most famous for his inaccurate tomahawk throw on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show) played his Indian sidekick.

I also seem to remember that the Daniel Boone show came on for a period of time in the afternoons - after school. The characters he played were bigger than life and he fit the role as he was 6'6" tall. The shows were classic Americana and usually had a good moral content.

Mr. Parker didn't become enamored in the Hollywood lifestyle and became wealthy by investing in California real estate.

I do remember that I had a coonskin cap like a lot of kids at that time. Wish I still had it. I might just put it on one last time for Ol' Dan'l and Fess. My condolences to his family.

Poo Paper

In more bad news for the local timber industry, a young researcher in one of those northern European countries like Norland or Finway has developed a new technique for making paper that doesn’t use wood products at all. Through truly creative efforts, he has developed paper products out of all things;

bear droppings!

At first this doesn’t seem like much of a threat to the established paper & timber industries since production is limited as he must scour the woods for raw material. He must also grade & separate the droppings due to the fact that the bear’s recent diet determines the color of the produced paper. For example, a diet of nuts & berries produces brown paper, fish & insects produce gray, and campers & hikers; well, you get the idea.

But the real danger here is that some enterprising company will take the idea one step further by finding a more plentiful source of raw material and begin mass production of poo paper. The effects could be devastating to our local economy. Not only would the production of poo paper affect the demand for timber here in the South and the Northwest, but it would also result in job loss as the paper industry would likely move out of our area and into areas where the needed raw material is more plentiful;

like Washington, D.C.

Disposal of waste, animal & human, is a major problem that costs billions of dollars in this country alone, so an alternative use is an especially appealing idea. Environmentalists and economists would all be able to agree on this one. This paper is supposedly quite sanitary after processing - yet poo paper might not be real popular for facial tissue or for wrapping meat. But it could be used for other packaging, newspapers, and copy paper. I’ve known a few people with which I have had dealings for whom it would be appropriate to print their checks on poo paper. I think it would be ideal for almost all government publications like IRS tax forms, bureaucratic manuals and Obama's Health Care Bill. However, its most intriguing use would, of course, be as toilet paper.

By the way, if you printed this out, you might want to wash your hands after reading this.