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Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Smell of Money

I’ve lived in a lot of places over the last thirty years. Some I have truly enjoyed. Some others just made me homesick. But one thing I have learned is that you shouldn’t judge an area too quickly. You have to live in a place for awhile before you really get to know the people and its culture.

And don’t take the national media’s bias toward an area too literally. Most of those people think the world ends fifty miles on either side of the New York – Washington corridor or any area outside of southern California. When doing news reports from other parts of the country, they just keep repeating the same ole clichés. If you’re dependent on the media to establish your opinions, you probably think that:

Everybody in Florida is over sixty five and lives in the “Villages” or they speak Spanish and are illegal aliens.

People in Texas drive pickup trucks, wear oversized belt buckles and have over-inflated opinions of themselves.

People in Minnesota all speak Norwegian and live to be a hundred.

Everybody in the Midwest raises pigs and wears caps from the local feed store (even the women).

All white southerners have a neatly pressed white robe & hood in their closet and all black southerners live in cold water shacks on the plantation.

People in Appalachia marry their cousins and measure their social status by their number of original teeth.

I’ve found that when you take the opportunity to get to know them, people are pretty much the same everywhere; good, bad and indifferent. But there is one thing that is unique in every community; something that gives an area its own special flavor.

Different parts of the country have distinctive odors.

I notice this because I have a highly developed sense of smell and my memories are often triggered by it – be it a perfume that was worn by my wife in her younger days or an old tarpaulin we used for camping when I was a kid. As I travel, the first thing I notice is not the countryside or the architecture but what odor is wafting through my car window.

We’re pretty lucky here in our community. We smell like fresh cut pine lumber with just an occasional whiff of wet dirt in the Spring and Summer. Other areas are not so fortunate. We lived in the beautiful city of Natchez for a time. Back then it had two distinct aromas, both of which are more prevalent in the heat of the summer. The rotten egg smell of the papermill south of town mixed with the musty odor of old homes slowly decaying in a humid climate.

The Gulf Coast smells like dead fish and diesel fuel at times, Jackson smells like car exhaust mingled with expensive perfume from all those counter girls spraying their atomizers in the McRae’s or Dillard’s in the malls.

Other parts of the world are distinctive, too. Canada doesn’t smell at all because there’s nothing up there, Ohio smells like, well- Ohio. New Orleans has a smell that is indescribable. Try walking down Bourbon Street right after Mardi Gras and you will understand what I am talking about.

But if you live in an area long enough, soon you don’t notice it or you even come to like its smell. I spent many years in rural Western Kansas. Every community has at least one cattle feed lot located north or east of town. When the heat of summer comes along and the wind is just right, the smell of manure and rotten feed permeates everything – your clothes, hair and homes. When I first moved out there, I asked an old timer how people were able to stand the smell. He just tipped the cowboy hat back on his head and smiled from behind the wheel of his Cadillac. “Son,” He said, “That ain’t no stink. That’s just the smell of money.”

Friday, March 14, 2014

Often what we deem to be wisdom and experience is simply resigned acceptance of life's realities.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Bad Joke Alert:

Paramedics were called to the scene at Big Earl's Market and Emporium in downtown Skillet Lick on Monday to extricate Earl Ray Hyndman from the market's meat grinder. Earl Ray, also known as "Big Thumb" Hyndman was not seriously injured and was treated at the scene.

The slightly embarrassed Hyndman admitted to being distracted when the incident happened. "I like to listen to music while I'm working and sometimes I get to moving to the beat" he said. " That Beyonce can really get ya going and I got to dancin and backed right into the grinder."

Customers in the store at the time indicated that the song "Put a Ring On it" could be heard coming from the butcher shop area at the time of the accident.

 "Not something I ever want to experience again," said Doris Smith, who was purchasing chops at the time. "That thing just grabbed him from behind and twisted him around like a corkscrew a time or two before he broke loose."

Hyndman, a butcher for 22 years, indicated that this was the first accident he had ever had that didn't involve his fingers. "I'll be more careful in the future," he said, "but the worst thing about this whole thing is - I got a little behind in my work."

This story is a complete fabrication and is a figment of a distorted imagination and based on a bad joke. Please don't take offense.