I love food. All you have to do is look at me and it becomes obvious that eating is one of the top three things I like to do. I’ll not say what the other two are but suffice it to say that they can involve food too. But I don’t totally understand the fanaticism that some people have toward certain foods. There are two groups in particular that seemed to have reached a common state of shear madness; wine connoisseurs and barbeque buffs. In the cases of wine or barbeque, it seems that the process and the trappings have taken on much more importance than the products themselves. Talking the right talk & walking the right walk is all important. In other words, the snobs have taken over.
As it was explained to me by a barbeque authority, (Take it for what it’s worth as half the men south of D.C. consider themselves to be an authority on BBQ; the other half are authorities on NASCAR.) the processes of wine tasting and barbeque judging are exactly the same. See it – smell it – taste it – and describe it. The description process being of utmost importance as it says more about you than it does about the product. Simply to say “I like it” or “I hate it” is considered to be in extremely poor taste and an offense to the party involved. A judge of either product must be sufficiently flowery in language and vague in substance to be considered expert. In other words, the best judges are political candidates.
For example, an expert wine taster might describe a wine in this manner: “This vintage comes from a less than robust grape that nevertheless shows high-toned estery, acetate aromas that may be pleasing to some palettes. Its oakness is unquestionable yet leaves an earthiness to be desired by the more liberated connoisseur.” It’s more of a Sandra Bullock than a Kim Kardashian and its lack of dark, mysterious undertones makes it more suitable for less serious occasions.
The judge at a barbeque cook-off would speak in this manner: “Woo- Boy! That there beer-butt chicken‘s got a real twang to it. It’s real obvious that this ol boy used a light beer to stick up that chicken’s butt which gives it a nice airy feel but I woulda tried a full-bodied beer of 5 % alcohol or higher, preferably of Anheuser-Busch distillation. That sauce has a good color & he swabbed it on just about right. Its combination of sweet and heat is darn good but more honey & less brown sugar would have given it more body and a more complex taste. I gave it a good bite but it didn’t bite back. Good enough to make ya slap yore Pappy but not yore Granny.”
What’s really interesting is that these two groups, no matter how different in style, seem to be coming together. Jean Pierre meets Joe Bob. There are wine web sites that have recipes for barbeque, ( calling for a non domestic beer to stick up that chicken) and barbeque sites that give advice on which wine goes best with Billy Don’s Thundering Chicken Thighs, (Mogen David’s fortified Mad Dog 20/20)
I have never understood the desire to make a competition out of doing something that you love. How do you judge something that is so subjective to individual taste? Some people like red; some people like white. Some like sweet and some like hot. Eat and drink what you like in moderation. If it were me, I’d drink the beer, quit messin with that chicken’s butt (that ain’t natural) and throw him on the grill while watching a college football game on TV, another one of the top three things I like to do.
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